Ted Cruz, wearing a light suit jacket over a blue button-down, speaks into a microphone at CPAC in Dallas.
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Strangest State: Ted Cruz Enjoys a White Claw

Smuggling bones. Horses with tail lights. Alcoholic seltzer goes aerial. Just another day in far-flung Texas.

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A version of this story ran in the March / April 2023 issue.

Amarillo

A former biology professor at West Texas A&M University was sentenced to six months in federal prison for smuggling more than $14,000 worth of skulls, skeletons, and taxidermy mounts into the United States, according to CBS News Austin. The loot included parts and bodies of the greater naked-tailed armadillo, caracal, vervet monkey, and Eurasian otter—endangered or threatened species whose trade is prohibited by an international treaty and by federal law.

Austin

An animated gif of a police officer writing a ticket for a blonde woman on horseback. She looks annoyed, while the horse looks bewildered. A cloud passes by the moon in the background.
Drug Wagner for the Texas Observer

Just before the Legislature returned to the pink dome for its 2023 session, a Texas radio reporter at KASE 101 rounded up some of the weirdest laws already on the state books. In Texarkana, it’s illegal to ride a horse at night without a tail light. (Unclear if it has to actually be on the tail.) And, believe it or not, no statute requires a windshield in Texas, but windshield wipers are mandatory. 

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Fort Worth

An animated gif of a fighter jet slowly crashing nose first into the ground but, upon impact, the cockpit pops upon and the pilot harmlessly ejects in a flight chair.
Drug Wagner for the Texas Observer

A Texas pilot taking delivery of a new F-35B fighter jet ended up in a slow-motion crash-landing when something went wrong during its first test flight at the Naval Air Station Joint Reserve Base Fort Worth, DC News Now reported. Fortunately, the pilot was able to eject and no one was injured. No word on whether the jet came with a money-back guarantee.

Houston

An animated gif of Ted Cruz, wearing an orange polo shirt emblazoned with an H, a white belt, and blue slacks. A can of White Claw alcoholic seltzer comes flying at Cruz from off-screen, striking his shoulder and making him grimace in surprise or pain.
Drug Wagner for the Texas Observer

A grand jury no-billed a man who’d been arrested for throwing cans of White Claw hard seltzer at U.S. Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) saying there was no probable cause to charge the man accused of aggravated assault. Cruz was hit in the chest and neck, but not seriously injured, according to the Houston Chronicle. The cans were unopened, and the defendant said he’d just tried to toss Cruz a drink.