So, this is one of those stories that makes you proud to be a Texan.
Do you remember those two kids who travelled all around the country last summer, hitting one ACORN office after another, pretending to be a hooker and pimp?
Remember how they got all those weirdos who worked at ACORN to say all that batsh*t stuff on camera? About how to be a hooker, and how to make a lot of money being a hooker, and how to run a really good brothel, and how much money to charge if the johns wanted to slap the hookers around a little bit, and all that other crazy-pants stuff?
(And honestly, didn’t you wonder how they managed to work all that into the conversation? I mean, never in my whole entire life has anyone asked me how to make their brothel more profitable, and I just wonder how a person even goes about broaching that kind of subject. How do you make the leap from “Nice weather we’re having!” to “Got any tips on running a whorehouse?”)
Well, the would-be hooker was named Hannah Giles, and the would-be pimp was named James O’Keefe, and apparently, these two fancy themselves as a sort of “America’s Funniest Home Videos” version of Woodward and Bernstein. (Except, they’re very, very Jesus-y.)
And as you probably remember, this story became a VERY big deal, and it was partly responsible for the downfall of ACORN. Hannah Giles, in particular, was really big stuff on Fox News for a while, where their Walter Cronkite-caliber journalists just loved to sit and drool over her, and say pathetic, gag-me stuff like, “You’re way to pretty to be a prostitute. Heh-heh-heh.”
Well, sit down, folks. There’s more. Even though this fake hooker and pimp act did assist in the sinking of ACORN, it turns out not to have been a totally foolproof idea. Because even though they caught a bunch of people looking CRAZY, Giles and O’Keefe did not technically catch them doing anything illegal. However, in California, where they infiltrated a San Diego ACORN office, it is illegal to film a person without telling them you’re doing it. (Yikes!) So last week, this guy named Juan Carlos Vera sued Giles and O’Keefe for $75,000 for making him look real stupid without asking his permission. And he’s not the first person to do so. Apparently a Pennsylvania woman filed suit last January.
But don’t worry, the Republicans take care of their own. I’m sure many of you are anxious to donate to Hannah Giles’ defense fund. You can find it right here.
And the legal woes don’t stop there. O’Keefe was arrested last January for trying to bug the office phone of Louisiana Senator Mary Landrieu, in an apparent attempt to catch her saying something dumb on the phone. (Because, historically, it’s a FABULOUS idea for Republicans to break into Democrats’ offices and tap their phones. Really, that NEVER, EVER fails.)
Also, on a side note, it seems that Giles and O’Keefe never wore those totally insane hooker and pimp costumes they flashed pictures of on Fox during their actual “sting operations.” Apparently, they just came up with those get-ups later, to vamp the story.
NOW, you may be asking yourself, what’s the Texas connection to all this? Why does this nutsy story make one proud to be a Texan? Well, I might be asking the same question, if it weren’t for my marvelous friend Susan Bankston, over at www.juanitajean.com. But as it turns out, Hannah Giles’ grandmother is this zany character on the Texas Republican Executive Committee named Terese Raia (known in some circles as “The Red-Headed Horror”). Ms. Raia is a founder of the Fort Bend Spirit of Freedom Republican Women, and was also appointed to the Fort Bend County Sex-Oriented Business Committee. She received this appointment because, get this, she HATES pornography. I mean, she’s got a thing about it. And who better to serve on the Sex-Oriented Business Committee than a Religious Righter who goes apoplectic over porno, right?
And besides pornography, Terese Raia’s not crazy about the gays, either. (Look at her hair. The feeling is mutual.) Apparently, Ms. Raia’s even been quoted (allegedly) as saying that the real reason she doesn’t want topless bars in Fort Bend is because gay guys lurk in dark parking lots waiting to prey on unsuspecting, over-aroused straight guys stumbling back to their cars after a night of stripper-ogling. (Right. Because we gay guys just love to hang around topless bars. I mean, if there’s one thing we love even more than “Project Runway,” it’s an evening spent at a good boobie joint.)
And this lady–this porn-obsessed, Sex-Oriented Business Committee lady–is Hannah Giles’ grandmother! The girl who pretended to be a hooker up hill and down dale! This is the leadership of Texas’ Republican Party! Apparently, Raia even pressured Congressman Pete Olson, Republican from Sugarland, to introduce a resolution honoring Giles and O’Keefe in the House of Representatives! Because her granddaughter, the fake hooker, is practically another Dorothy Thompson for all that “investigative journalism” she’s been doing for the Republicans.
You can’t make stuff like this up, folks. And who needs to, when you’re from Texas! God bless the Lone Star State!
Oh, and if you want to read more about any of this, here you go!