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WHITE HOUSE DERBY TIP SHEET HORSE, CURRENT POSITION Karl Rove, campaign guru Karen Hughes, spokesperson Condoleeza Rice, exploratory committee member Mike Moses, Commissioner of Education Barry McBee, GWB’s former T.N.R.C.C. chair, now aide to Rick Perry Don Evans, U.T. Board of Regents Tony Garza, Railroad Commissioner Ralph Marquez, T.N.R.C.C. commissioner Roy Coffee, former GWB D.C. liaison, now a lobbyist Neil Bush, brother of Candidate Marvin Olasky LINE 5 to 4 GWB won’t select a new Bible verse without putting in a call to Rove. Definitely Chief of Staff material. 3 to 1 Seems to thrive on abuse giving and receiving. Good bet for position in press office or Ambassador to new U.S. Protectorate of Kosovo. 4 to 1 Former national security aide under Bush’s Dad, and Stanford provost. Pro: Possibly the nation’s only black Republican woman who speaks Russian and opposes affirmative action. GWB couldn’t afford not to have her in D.C. Safe money as N.S.A. chief or cabinet official. 8 to 1 Bush’s waterboy at the T.E.A, where he has helped keep the Christians on a fraying leash. Due for a big reward, or a long vacation. Possible Education Secretary or Secretary for the Abolition of Education. 10 to 1 As state’s top environmental officer, brought a free-market, Christian approach to deregulating polluting industries i.e., let ‘er rip. Fair bet for E.P.A. chief, unless the Guy-in-Waiting won’t let him go. 15 to 1 Longtime Midland buddy and very deep pocket. If he wants out of the oil patch, GWB is obliged. As lifetime boss, likely Republican Labor Secretary. 20 to 1 Hispanic Republican who hitched his wagon to the right guy. GWB appointed him first Hispanic Secretary of State; then helped him win a seat on the powerful Railroad Commission. Secretary of Transportation on the make. 35 to 1 Pro: fiercely loyal Hispanic Republican. Shilled for the Governor’s voluntary emissions permit program. Con: couldn’t pour piss from a boot. 35 to 1 Pro: already knows D.C. Con: same problem as Marquez … with instructions printed on the heel. Maybe they can tag-team as White House limo aides. 50 to 1 Pro: blood is thicker than water. Con: cost taxpayers $1 billion in bailout of his Colorado S&L, Silverado. Sounds eminently qualified for Secretary of of Treasury, or to clean out those annoying regulators at the S.E.C. 100 to 1 When welfare moms live on lemonade-stand income and Marxists find Jesus, the Christian Right’s work will be done, and they can move on to the next world, or maybe Cuba. In the meantime, they can take solace in inspirational stories like that of former-Communist-turned-evangelical-Christian Marvin Olasky, now a U.T. journalism professor and syndicated monotonist. As an advisor to Bush, he burdened the national lexicon with the phrase “compassionate conservativism.” Press Aide or Court Historian/Chaplain. COMMENTS T.O.’S LONG SHOT PLAYS: Christian Right Trifecta: State GOP chair Susan Weddington, GOP vice-chair David Barton, and former state chair Tom Pauken Capital Press Corps Pick Three: Paul Burka, Ken Herman, and Jane Ely 666 to 1 100 to 1 Outside shot at ambassadorships to Djibouti, East Eritrea, and Angola. LBJ once said it’s better to have your enemies inside the tent pissing out, rather than outside pissing in. These three should get their own latrine with a view. Possible presidential speechwriters. Burka had his audition in the June Texas Monthly: “If, as his detractors have charged, he is a middle-aged frat boy at heart … the slogan of the French Revolution was ‘Liberty! Equality! Fraternity!'” The daily scribes are not in that sycophantic league, but they can justify turning Social Security over to Wall Street without too much strain. JUNE 25, 1999 THE TEXAS OBSERVER 15