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The Top Ten Things I Will Miss About Rick Perry

by Published on
Rick Perry at "The Response" in August 2011
Patrick Michels
Rick Perry

The news that Rick Perry will not seek re-election next year hit me hard. Sure it’s great to get some new blood in the governor’s mansion, but let’s face it: As a columnist, I’m worried about losing my go-to source for political comedy. There’s so much I count on from Rick Perry, from his perfect hair to his verbal flubs to the cringe-worthy name on his family ranch, that I just have to give a 10-gun salute to the old guy for all the material he’s abundantly provided over the years. Here in no particular order are the top 10 things I will miss about having Rick Perry as my governor.

1. First of all, I will miss having a governor who looks so badass shooting a gun. Say what you want about debate skills, when your governor has an intro video that rivals that of Walker, Texas Ranger, you’re talking master statesman.

2. I will miss having a governor who’s not ashamed to admit he’s a Christian. In a presidential ad. So brave!

3. I will miss having a governor with a mind like a steel trap.

4. I will miss having a governor who knows that a decade equals 90 years.

5. I will miss having a governor who confused the voting age with the legal drinking age. Cuz you’d have to be drunk to vote for him?

6. I will miss having a governor who makes a national debate feel like a Miss Teen USA pageant.

7. I will miss having a governor who’s taken that “whole ‘nother country” thing a bit too far.

8. I will miss having a governor whose family hunting camp has a name I can’t publish on this website, but that was painted on a giant rock for decades.

9. I will miss having a governor I get to pay twice.

10. And, finally, I will miss having a governor in office so long that children in Texas think the job is a lifetime appointment.

Adios, Ricardo.

Cindy Casares is a columnist for the Texas Observer. She is also the founding Editor of Guanabee Media, an English-language, pop culture blog network about Latinos established in 2007. She has a Master's in Mass Communications from Virginia Commonwealth University Brandcenter. Prior to her career in journalism, she spent ten years in New York City as an advertising copywriter. During her undergraduate career at the University of Texas she served under Governor Ann Richards as a Senate Messenger during the 72nd Texas Legislature.

  • Leanne McKenzie

    I’m afraid I don’t see much humour in Perry tenure as Governor. He has probably crippled Texas or generations, but then Texans voted for him.

    • SoberMoney

      Leanne, I believe Perry actually did nothing for Texas. He simply wasn’t that competent or powerful. He was nothing more than a bending over male prostitute figurehead for the dirty energy business and the Texas Taliban.

      But then again, so are most of the other Republican politicians in Tejas.

  • SoberMoney

    I’ll miss all those “Perry is Gay” rumors. Maybe he will write a book about his closet life as a straight Texas Governor.

    Naw, I probably still wouldn’t buy the book.