WTF Friday: God Ordains the Death Penalty!

President Obama was in Texas this week—Dallas, to be specific—defending Obamacare and encouraging Gov. Rick Perry to accept the basically-free Medicaid expansion deal that would save thousands of lives.

Texas Republicans used the opportunity to blast not just the rocky roll-out of the exchange website, but the whole idea of providing health care. Uncle Louie Gohmert, who I trust will be making regular WTF Friday appearances, naturally took things the furthest. Politicians are always accusing the press of “taking things out of context,” but in this instance Gohmert looks better out of context.

1) “When you know how dramatically people are adversely affected, do you want to let people suffer and potentially die, or do you do everything you can to try to put it off?”—U.S. Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas)

You’d almost think he was talking about the need for government intervention in the healthcare marketplace to avoid needless suffering and death. In fact, he was explaining why the House GOP thought it was worth shutting down the government and bringing the economy to the brink of disaster in a vain attempt to derail Obamacare.

The remainder of our WTF Friday quotes seem to point to a theme: creative policymaking.

Down at the Texas Supreme Court, tweetin’ maniac Justice Don Willett staked out a compassionate GOP position on LGBT rights. The court is considering whether same-sex couples, who legally married in another state, should be allowed to get divorced in Texas despite the state’s ban on gay marriage.

2) “It would seem to many that divorce would further the state’s public policy and not undermine the state’s public policy.”-@JusticeWillett

Logic: Gay marriage, bad. Straight marriage, good. Straight divorce, bad. Gay divorce, good.

Meanwhile, in the family values department, chairman of the Texas Railroad Commission, author of If Jesus Were an Investment Banker and apparent Quiverfull movement sympathizer Barry Smitherman settled on his anti-poverty plan:

3)  “First get an education, then get a job, then get married, then have children – and you will not live at the poverty level.”—Barry Smitherman

Finally, we end with (who else?) Pastor Rafael Cruz—father of Ted, hero to millions. Pater Cruz took his Sunday school class on the road, speaking to a gun group in Oklahoma and producing enough WTF fodder to last WTF Friday for two weeks at least. But this is the gem that really stands out, policy-making according to the Old Testament God.

4) “You know, the Bible is so clear. Go to Genesis chapter nine and you will find the death penalty clearly stated in Genesis chapter nine … God ordains the death penalty!”—Rafael Cruz

In Genesis 9:4, God also admonishes Noah, who lived to 950 according to Genesis 9:28, to “not eat meat that has its lifeblood still in it.” I hope the Cruzes don’t like their steak raw.