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wls *bbbkb4fbbbMbbbb*bJ ‘VA kk -sbbtb, “% Port Out, Starboard Home Are .you a twenty-first century Democrat or a compassionate conservative planning a summer vacation? Looking, perhaps, to go on a seminar cruise, but unable to decide whether to cruise right or cruise left? It’s a tough choice: both The Nation and The National Review are offering luxury float trips, The Nation for seven days in Alaska, the Review for twelve days in the Baltic. The Nation cruise is more economical $2,117 to $7,432 per My favorite food is: National Review. But the Review dude Caspar Weinberger \(“the former Defense Secretary will The dead celebrity I miss the most is: “the Alfred Kazin former Attorney General will recount the inside-the-Oval Of John Wayne mer Secretary of State Alexander Haig, various ex-National Se curity chiefs, and two former Senators. Between visits to the actual cities they themselves liberated St. Petersburg, If I could live anywhere. I would live in: ing the Fellow Travelers: At War with the Apologist Left.” full of Nation contributors and academic types: E.L. Doctorow I’m most comfortable around people who: weltanschaung Alaska? And they’re not promising anything like the Review’s “three late-night ‘smokers” featuring “world-class cigars.” thority, an Atlanta-based company that specializes in themed group travel. Unfortunately, the Authority would not provide a On a trip to a desert island I would bring: want word to get out about what it is we’re doing,” said corn have, and no one else is really doing it.” The company’s web site does list other cruise clients, including lots of corpora If you answered mostly a’s, go with The Nation. Mostly b’s: tions, the Heritage Foundation, the National Rifle Association, National Review. Mostly c’s: Crisis. And if you found yourself the Freedom Alliance/Oliver North, and Paul Weyrich’s Free answering mostly d’s, you are invited to join Left Field’s semi Congress Foundation. nar trip to Schlitterbahn, the Bavarian-themed water park in One of the weirder seminar cruises is sponsored by the central Texas. Participants will perform a community service Catholic magazine Crisis. On its Caribbean voyage last Janproject by removing all the a.b.c. gum wads stuck to the wateruary, two of the speakers were Friar Frank Pavone, who adslides, and then repair to the in-pool bar for a bull session. The dressed the subject of “Pro-Life Strategies,” and Friar George date has not been set, because we haven’t yet made contact Rutler, who spoke on “God.” Not exactly Mai Tai kind of talk. with our speaker of choice, former Love Boat actor and Repub Still undecided? Left Field offers the following quiz, to aid lican Congressman Fred Grandy who will explain how too the would-be seminar cruiser. much time on deck can turn you into a conservative. JUNE 11, 1999 THE TEXAS OBSERVER 7