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“OF COURSE SHE HAS TO BE PRETTY, BUT BEYOND THAT IT HAS TO DO WITH PERSONALITY, A CERTAIN SPARKLE, A CERTAIN SNAP-IT’S JUST SOMETHING YOU KNOW. IT’S THAT SPARKLE.” …sparkle, sparkle…. \(EMERGES FROM BATHROOM, SEES it is? What are they looking for? SECURITY GUARD: Well, if you ask me it’s mostly about looks and a good body. \(Scene iii. Sparkle, Qu’estce Que C’est? Upstairs at Planet Hollywood. Spaceship theme room: portholes on the walls frame recessed display cases containing movie costumes; additional decorative objects include a motorcycle, a miniature train, and a very large egg. A man stands behind a video camera. Next to him are two script-readers, a man and a woman, while employees of the local NBC affiliate sit near the door drinking cappucino and taking polaroid shots of each woman who auditions. OBSERVER REPORTER sits in a chair against the wall, still mystified by the selection process. AUDITIONING WOMAN enters, trying to mask her nervousness with a “confident smile.” NBC people take her photo and position her in front of the camMALE SCRIPT-READER: Ready? AUDITIONING WOMAN: \(GLANCING \(WAITS FOR CUE, THEN BEGINS READING, IN AN UNFORTUNATELY NASAL VOICE, FROM “BILLY & thought… I didn’t know what to think. You stopped coming by, you didn’t return my calls, I couldn’t figure out what I’d done… What did I do? READER/BILLY: Nothing…it wasn’t you. WOMAN/CAITLIN: Then what was it? I was worried sick… Why do I get the feeling I should still be worried? READER/BILLY: It’s …complicated. WOMAN/CAITLIN: \(IN THE SAME about telling me you don’t love me anymore? READER/BILLY: No, God, no…I just… WOMAN/CAITLIN: It’s another woman, isn’t it? \(As they continue reading, REPORTER watches the video image on a small TV screen in front of the camera. She is struck by how much it looks like a real soap But I still don’t know what sparkle is… READER/BILLY: This woman I was with?…She’s… WOMAN/CAITLIN: Oh, God. Pregnant?! READER/BILLY: What?! No!…I mean, I don’t…nah, couldn’t be. WOMAN/CAITLIN: How can you be sure? Are you saying you two \(Scene iv: Say Goodbye to Hollywood. Downstairs again. NBC REP and CASTING AGENT continue to screen women. It is 11:30 a.m., and 410 women have been CASTING AGENT GIVES FAKE SMILE TO REPORTER. REPORTER RETURNS FAKE SMILE. CASTING AGENT: \(NODDING TO need? REPORTER: Oh, almost. Can I watch just a little longer? CASTING AGENT: Well, as soon as you get everything, I need you to go, because I’ve had a’lot of people wanting to watch this who I haven’t let watch. REPORTER: \(UNDER HER this about telling me you don’t love me anymore? \(Planet Hollywood PR rep hands reporter a visor as a parting gift. Reporter heads MAN ON STAIRS: \(MIS-TAKING REPORTER FOR in Hollywood! \(Reporter exits, clutching her visor, as the song “Ruthless People” blares from the speakers. Sparkly Observer writer Karen Olsson has written for Civilization, Washington’s City Paper, and other publications. ANDERSON & COMPANY COFFEE TEA SPICES TWO JEFFERSON SQUARE AUSTIN, TEXAS 78731 512-453-1533 Send me your list. Name Street City Zip OCTOBER 11, 1996 THE TEXAS OBSERVER 31