Page 1


Speculations Billy’s World Austin We apologize! After ten hours of intense grilling by Observer editors, staff reporter Mary Lenz broke down and admitted that not only had she completely made up last issue’s interview with House Speaker Billy Clayton, but that no such person as Billy Clayton has ever existed. Observer editors said they had harbored suspicions about the existence of Speaker Clayton for quite some time because of doubts that anyone under sixfeet-six could ever have been elected to such a position of prominence in Texas politics and that someone who might be a candidate for Comptroller could possibly have convinced the House to place millions of dollars of state surplus revenue at the Comptroller’s absolute discretion at the flick of a water bond plan. Ms. Lenz confessed that she invented “Billy” from a composite of Texas elected officials and lied about having made contact with such a person through the intervention of women lobbyists at the “Broken Spoke” bar and dance hall. Claims that a Texas representative from Springlake was elected. to an “unprecedented fourth term” were also apparently unfounded.. Editor Ronnie Dugger, who had planned to nominate Ms. Lenz’ Clayton interview for a Pulitzer \(in spite of the said he was shocked and saddened that such a promising, somewhat young journalist had perpetrated a hoax of this nature. He said there were also questions as to Ms. Lenz’ claim that she had graduated from the University of Oklahoma with a doctorate in home economics and that she had ever been Miss Texas. Suspicions about the series of articles entitled “Billy’s World” began when Ms. Lenz claimed a group of elected public officials would actually vote to raise interest rates on consumer loans as high as 24%. It also seemed dubious that any Governor anywhere would force 2,400 human beings to sleep on the floor of prison cells. Observer higher-ups pointed out, however, that this journal was not alone is publishing apparently fictional accounts of “Billy” and his friends in the dark, bleak world of Texas politics. Nothing has been proved as yet, but there are fears that the Capitol press corps has been making up the entire Texas legislature for years. * * * Former Gov. John Connally. has asked reporters to come up with their own suggestions for a better economy, if they have them. I have not yet finished my current work revising the world economic structure, but I am ready with some preliminary suggestions for revising the economy of the United States specifically the government sector. The approach is called Corporate Totality or Whole Hog Capitalism. My contention is that in the United States today, we have only a half-hearted capitalistic system that does not follow to its logical conclusion the philosophy expressed by my conservative acquaintances in dinner party conversations. Whole Hog Capitalism goes all the way. Instead of nationalizing industries like railroads or mining, it incorporates everything and makes it run at a profit, especially the government. As we know, the government is currently in the hands of elected officials and bureaucrats whose vested interest would appear to be in running it at a loss. If government were run by MBAs and accountants, we would be able to pull it into the black in no time. To be honest, much of what I am writing occurred to me as I was cleaning out my savings account and mailing it off to the Internal Revenue Service. And what am I getting in exchange? A tenuous claim to responsibility for a variety of nuclear missiles, national forests and congressmen who wouldn’t even invite me home to dinner. I would be a heck of a lot cheerier if instead of being forced to pay taxes, I could make semi-voluntary purchases of shares of stock in government for which I would get back interest payments or dividends. I would have to agree with conservatives, who have been saying for years that the government has gotten itself involved in a variety of extraneous activities better left in private hands, such as the Post Office or the U.S. Army. If the Army had been a private company forced to obey OSHA regulations and pay overtime, we would never have gotten into Vietnam. An army run as a private corporation would only start a war if it involved the relatively certain takeover of an area of immediate economic benefit such as oil-rich provinces in Canada. If war turned out to be unprofitable, the army would simply have to diversify, move into retailing or plastics, or lose its identity in a corporate takeover by DuPont. The immediate problem I see is that incorporating the U.S. government would make it by far the largest conglomerate in the world. Anti-trust laws classified HELP STOP THE MX MISSILE in Texas and New Mexico. American Friends Service Committee is working for disarmament, peace, and justice. Write AFSC, 1022 W. 6th, Austin 78703. THE SAN ANTONIO Democratic League meets the first Thursday of each month. For information, call Jim Bode at 344-1497. COMMUNITY ORGANIZERSACORN needs organizers to work with low and mod erate income families in 16 states for political and economic justice. Direct action on neighborhood deterioration, utility rates, taxes, health care. Tangible results and enduring rewardslong hours and low pay. Training provided. Contact ACORN, 503 West Mary, FREEWHEELING BICYCLES. 2404 San Gabriel, Austin. For whatever your bicycle needs. BACKPACKING MOUNTAINEERING -RAFTING. Outback Expeditions, P.O. Box MOUNTAIN RETREAT & HOT SPRINGS in private valley. Enjoy room, meals, swimming, sunbathing and exercise classes from Guadalajara, Jalisco, Mexico. JOIN THE ACLU. Membership $20. Texas Civil Liberties Union, 600 West 7th, Austin 78701. KNOW YOUR RIGHTS. Send $7.95 to Buying, Renting & Borrowing in Texas, 2505 Stratford, Austin 78746. BOOK-HUNTING? No obligation search for rare or out-of-print books. Ruth and John River Hills Road, Austin 78746. Classified advertising is 30 per word. Discounts for multiple insertions within a 12month period: 25 times, 50%; 12 times, 25%; 6 times, 10%. 20 MAY 1,1981