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`This is the way I see the problem, if there is a problem, which I deny.’ . –Mad Dog Mengden R-Houston The Observer Awards THE BRASS-FACED GALL AWARD goes to Rep. Luther Jones of El Paso who got a legislative continuance \(i.e., delay of men accused of conspiring to kill Rep. Terry Doyle of Port Arthur. “Hi, Luther.” “Hi, Terry.” “How’s the old law practice going?” BRASS-goes to Rep. Joe Salem for his splendid critique of Richard Nixon’s settlement of the Vietnam War. Salem went to Paris last year and talked to a real, live Viet Cong in the delegation there and came back with a secret plan to end the war. When not engaged in international diplomacy and falling off the speaker’s dais, Salem runs a jewelry store in Corpus. The DAY LATE/$60 MILLION SHORT MEDALLION to Dolph Briscoe for waiting until the House had already passed a school financing proposal out of committee before launching his own stingy solution. Special mention for likewise tossing his state budget onto the field just as the House and Senate were winding up appropriations hearings. The HEY, MAN, GOOD THINKING TROPHY goes to Rep. Jim Kaster of El Paso for having introduced a bill requiring criminals to give 24-hour notice of what felony they plan to commit, where and on whom. The A.C.L.U. CROIX DE GUERRE \(First Amendment goes to Rep. Lindon Williams of Houston for introducing a bill to allow the regents of state colleges to censor or ban “revolutionary” speakers. To the entire Texas House of Representatives, the CARRYING ON IN A GREAT TRADITION CITATION for having elected Rep. Terry Canales of Premont Rookie of the Year. Canales session largely for his air-conditioned black limousine and his absenteeism. The TRUTH SHALL MAKE YOU FREE Medal of Honor goes to Rep. Wayland Simmons of San Antonio for making a personal privilege speech after he had ordered a page to throw Lee Jones of AP off the House floor for interviewing a member. Jones’ response to the page was, “You tell Wayland Simmons he’s full of shit.” Simmons said in his speech that Jones’ comment was “degrading” to the House. Before Simmons made the speech, word got around that he was peeved about the incident and one member wandered by the press table to ask, “Who said Wayland Simmons was full of shit?” Without hesitation, every reporter present said, “I did.” The TRUTH SHALL MAKE YOU FREE Consolation Prize goes to Rep. Billy Williamson of Tyler for saying, “If the people always knew what they were doing, some of us wouldn’t be dowiv here in this Legislature.” The TEAR JERKER’S BLEEDING HEART AWARD goes to Rep. T. H. McDonald of Mesquite for his opposition to a bill limiting the use of corporal punishment on mentally retarded or emotionally disturbed children. McDonald said the bill would “tie the teacher’s hands.” Attaway, T. H., hit the little dummies, that’ll make ’em learn. The Oh, GO CURE THE COMMON COLD CITATION goes to Rep. Joe Hubenak of Rosenberg for a dynamite performance in June 15, 1973 19