Page 13


A Tale of Two Presidents By Donald . Kaul in the Des Moines Register: Once upon a time there was a president who came to us with a heavy hurt. “Ma fellamerkins,” he would say, “Yewr president comes to yew tonot with heavy hurt.” He talked funny. His name was Lyndon the Lovely. In many ways he was a very lucky man; he was rich and famous and powerful and he had a loving wife and two semi-beautiful daughters. And a heavy hurt. “What makes your hurt so heavy, 0 Lovely One?” his subjects would ask. “Veet Nam,” he would answer. “Ah have waged war on poverty, Ah have laid the foundation of a Great Society, Ah have married off my two semi-beautiful daughters; but still people aren’t satisfied. They want me to get out of Veet Nam.” “Then why don’t you do it?” the people asked. “And leave our supporters over there at the mercy of the majority? Yewr ‘talkin’ like Nervous Nellies. Besides, Dean Rusk believes in this war.” “But Dean Rusk believes in the tooth fairy.” “General Westmoreland believes in this war.” “General Westmoreland claps for Tinker Bell.” “And Ah believe in this war, boy, and Ah’m gonna turn the corner over there and nail up a coonskin on the wall even if it costs me my job.” And so it came to pass that Richard the Nixon became president. He spoke not of Great Societies or of fighting poverty; he spoke of ending the war in Vietnam. And he spoke not of turning corners or coonskins nailed to walls but of negotiations. “I have a plan,” he said, and the people rejoiced. “He has a plan, he has a plan,” they shouted. “Pray, tell us what it is.” “Later,” he said. “He’s just being careful,” the people said. “A slip of the lip can sink a ship. We will go away and come back later.” In six months, they were back. “What about your plan?” they asked. “Wait,” he said. So they waited . . . and waited . . . and waited, until finally, they could wait no longer. So they went to their leader and said, “The hour grows late. Tell us your plan.” “I shall,” said Richard the Nixon. “I shall go on national television in living color and explain my plan to the free world and uncommitted nations of the earth and it shall be good. I want to make myself crystal clear on that point.” “Wonderful,” the people said. And they went to their homes and gathered before their television sets to hear the word. The president appeared on their screen and he began to speak. “Ma fellamerkins,” he said, “yewr president comes to yew tonot with heavy hurt.” dissident. Since his time in the Army was up, they escorted Bower off the post and transferred him to the Army Reserves for four years. The Army Court of Military Appeals reversed the decision of a Fort Hood court concerning Bruce L. Peterson, former editor of the Fatigue Press, a radical newspaper distributed to soldiers \(Obs., Peterson originally was given eight years of hard labor on a marijuana charge. At the trial, Army experts said they were unable to produce the incriminating weed, because the amount, which they reportedly found in the lint of ,Peterson’s coat pocket, was so miniscule that it was destroyed during testing. Peterson is now out of jail and out of the Army. YAF Splinters A “Libertarian” splinter group has emerged from the Young Americans for Freedom. In press conferences recently at the University of Texas and other campuses throughout the nation, members of the Libertarian Caucus announced they are leaving YAF because it is too authoritarian for them. In a press release, the libertarians explained that they believe “government should be limited to providing police protection, a system of courts of justice, and national defense” while the “traditionalist-conservatives of YAF support sex laws, drug laws, the military-industrial complex, and taxation.” The dissidents leaving YAF include four of the nine members of the past year’s YAF state executive committee. Students Reinstated Ten students suspended from Southwest Texas State University Nov. 13 for a Vietnam moratorium rally have been readmitted to classes by a federal order. College officials suspended the 10 until September of 1970 for continuing unauthorized rally after being ordered to disband. According to Austin attorney Brooks Holman, the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals EL CHICO, Jr. Burnet Road & Hancock Dr., Austin Beer patio under the stars Fast service & carry-out Delicious Mexican food Dinners $1.15 to $1.45 An operation of R & I INVESTMENT CO. Austin, Texas Alan Reed, President G. Brockett Irwin, Vice President in New Orleans ruled that the students “would suffer irreparable injury unless they were allowed to return to school pending final outcome of the suit.” Holman said he expects the final hearing by the end of January. E. H. O’Dowd, the mayor of Robinson, a small town near Waco, is the first person to be convicted under the 1967 open meetings law. O’Dowd was MEETINGS THE THURSDAY CLUB of Dallas meets each Downtown YMCA, 605 No. Ervay St., Dallas. Good discussion. You’re welcome. Informal, no dues. CENTRAL TEXAS ACLU luncheon meeting. Spanish Village. 2nd Friday every month. From noon. All welcome. ITEMS for this feature cost, for the first entry, 7c a word, and for each subsequent entry, 5c a word. We must receive them two weeks before the date of the issue in which they are to be published. fined $150 by a Waco jury for closing a Robinson city council meeting to the public March 18. 0 January 2, 1970 11 CLASSIFIED BOOKPLATES. Free catalog. Many beautiful designs. Special designing too. Address: BOOKPLATES, Yellow Springs 8, Ohio. YAMAHA: For the best soundpianosorgansguitars available at Amster Music & Art Center 17th & Lavaca, Austin. 478-7331. ANNE’S TYPING SERVICE \(Marjorie Anne Binding, Mailing, Public Notary. Twenty years experience. Call 442-7008 or 442-0170, Austin. OKLAHOMA LIMITED. A Journal of Political Opinion. Published Monthly $5 Per Year. Box 2777-TO, Norman, Okla. 73069. EGGROLL, a new bi-monthly magazine of satire for hip and crusty old liberal alike. Subscriptions $3.00 for twelve issues; 100 W. 32nd St., Austin, Texas 78705.