Texas GOP Wins Nobel Snark Prize

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Maybe it’s time for Saturday Night Live to recharge its writing staff by hiring a few of Texas’ sharpest wits. I refer, of course, to those side-stitching comedians batting out emails for the Republican Party of Texas. While SNL could come up with nothing better than a lame line in the mouth of a lousy Obama impersonator (“I won it for not being George Bush”), it only took a few hours after the world learned the strange, surprising news of President Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize on Friday for Texas GOP party headquarters to issue a vintage, though poorly proofread, blast of snark — with an appeal for donations duly attached. “The Nobel Committee gave the president its most prestigious award for what he wants to do, not what he’s done,” the party wrote. “That made us wonder, what other prestigious award will the president win next? Surely the Nobel is only the first of many accolades.”He loves NCAA basketall [sic]. Perhaps he’ll be awarded a national championship. Or maybe the NBA will name him this year’s MVP. He drives a car. Perhaps Motor Trend will name him Car of the Year.”He has actually written two books. Perhaps a Pulizter [sic], or a Nobel for literature, will come his way.”The president is known to like pie. Perhaps he’ll win a blue ribbon at the Illinois State Fair.”He did host the ‘beer summit.’ Perhaps he’ll be named a Real Man of Genius.”Surely a Cy Young, a Heisman, a Vince Lombardi trophy, and the America’s Cup will take their places on the president’s mantle soon. And his Tour de France shirt and US Open blazer must be in the mail by now.”He could be awarded the NASCAR Sprint Cup, because no one turns left like President Obama.” The email then devolved into an encomium to the Texas GOP and a promise that “A donation today will help us fight for you here in Texas, and it will also send the message that no matter what the European left elites think, we want President Obama and the Democrats to keep their hands off Texas.”Reportedly the president will personally receive a cash award of over $1.4 million for winning the Nobel. Could you spare one one-thousandth of that – $14.00 – to help us and send the world a message at the same time?” Pony up, Texans: The world awaits. On the state party’s Web site, a subsequent message added a whole ‘nother layer of irony, in a note making the fatuous demand that Obama’s re-election campaign “report the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize as a campaign contribution from a foreign source.” This missive begins: “Far be it from us to come out swinging on the news that President Barack Obama has won the Nobel Peace Prize. We find it more a source of amusement than outrage, though today’s devaluation of past Nobel laureates is worth lamenting.” And far be it from Observer to join the Texas Republican Party in decrying the “devaluation” of that venerable 1973 Peace Prize recipient, Henry Kissinger. While some of Texas’ Republican congressmen joined in the snarkfest — Lamar Smith reportedly chucked at Obama’s honor, while Michael McCaul stayed on message by calling it “the equivalent to awarding the Heisman in September” — one did make a mighty salient point in the Statesman. Three guesses which one it was.

“The aggressiveness that we have had (abroad) with the previous administration is continuing,” said Ron Paul. “It looks like more troops are going to go into Afghanistan, it looks like Pakistan will be a new front.”