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Don’t Quit Your Day Job

Perry calls for complete demolition of Washington while he self-destructs.
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In his ongoing quest to redeem himself as the mediocre yet one-time viable presidential candidate he once was, Rick Perry stomped through Iowa and New Hampshire this week to remind voters that he hates government and all that it stands for as much as they do, if not more. At town hall meetings, Perry laid out several bold albeit completely unfeasible proposals to “uproot, tear down and rebuild” the federal government including transforming Congress into a new “Citizen Congress,” apparently modeled after our very own part-time Legislature. In his speech, Perry explained that “it has worked well” in his home state. Yes, America, you too can be represented by a House and Senate that meets for 140 days every two years to wreak havoc upon its citizens, slashing budgets while schmoozing with lobbyists, before running back to their regular day jobs.

“Congress is out of touch because Congressmen are overpaid, overstaffed and away from home too much,” Perry said. Funny. You could say the same thing about Perry. The governor is also proposing term limits for Supreme Court justices, a two-thirds majority for Congress to increase taxes and, naturally, a balanced budget amendment. 

On Wednesday Perry released a new campaign ad accusing Obama of calling Americans lazy by taking his comments completely out of context. Discussing how the U.S. can better attract foreign investors at last weekend’s Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation conference, Obama admitted that “we’ve been a little bit lazy, I think, over the last couple of decades. We’ve kind of taken for granted—well, people will want to come here, and we aren’t out there hungry, selling America and trying to attract new business into America.” By “we’ve been a little bit lazy,” Obama isn’t referring to American workers; he’s talking about CEOs, the business community and corporations. But as we know, Republicans think that corporations are people so the confusion is somewhat understandable.

After the soundbite plays in the ad, Perry looks incredulous. “Can you believe that? That’s what our president thinks is wrong with America? That Americans are lazy? That’s pathetic.” He ends by saying, “Obama’s socialist policies are bankrupting America.” It’s no big surprise that Obama is so out of touch with Real America since he grew up in such a privileged environment with a poor single mother and an absent father.

Yes, appearing on Fox News with Sean Hannity, Perry said that Obama’s “lazy” comments revealed that the president “grew up in a privileged way” and “never had to really work for anything.” Unlike Perry, whose only jobs outside of the political sphere consisted of Eagle Scout and Yell Leader.

The more you know…

According to a new Pew Research Center national poll, Mitt Romney and Herman Cain are still tied at the top, 23 to 22 percent. (Apparently you don’t have to know anything about Libya or the Arab Spring or foreign policy in general to make the cut.) Newt Gingrich is in third with 16 percent. Perry and Ron Paul are tied for fourth with eight percent.

A Washington Post-ABC News poll has even more bad news for Perry. Close to 40 percent of Republicans now view Perry unfavorably, up from just 11 percent in September and 24 percent in October. That means the more voters get to know him, the more they dislike him. Meanwhile Gingrich—arguably the most unlikable guy on the face of the earth—is riding high with a 57 percent favorability rating.

Even worse? The Houston Chronicle reports that Perry’s once-prolific funds are drying up as wealthy donors wisen up. At this rate he’ll be lucky if the Eagle Scouts take him back.